Formulaic
by x. I Got You First .x
Summary: Regrets, what-ifs, and a little spot of jealousy. Nothing Harrison Wells isn't used to. [Minor spoilers only; takes place during 3x22]


_This is more like an in-character rambling inspired by a scene from 3x22. So, of course it's in the point of view from my favourite character on the show. Please enjoy the following paragraphs of mild angst. ;)_

* * *

 **Formulaic  
** _Earth-2  
_

They made it sound so simple, like there was just one formula for all.

Find a job. Get married. Raise a family. Work Hard. And there: success. Happiness.

But formulas don't apply to the real world unless it accounts for everything – all the mishaps along the way, the broken hearts and strained friendships, the betrayals, the death. It wasn't like a simple tracking algorithm when trying to find half-sharks or frosty metahumans. Real life was tricky, messy, and definitely did not follow an equation.

Was there any scientific reasoning to the course life lays down for us? Could one calculate which of the infinite possible futures would be the definite pathway that one's timeline would take?

The questions sounded as absurd as the millennia-old "what is the meaning of life?" In fact, they sounded all the same: intangible, non-calculable, and therefore unrealistic. No doubt the answers that followed those questions would be just as absurd or just as non-existent. Life itself was unpredictable. Every decisive turn was another game of chance ahead. Play it safe, live mediocre. Gamble big, take a risk, and you were lucky if you didn't lose all. Your wife, your daughter… your humanity.

It was like running through a maze armed with all this knowledge and yet knowing nothing – not a layout of the board. The objective was to find and reach the end. Sometimes others ran alongside him, sharing the burden of achieving the goal equally; responsibilities fanned out between them and things started out according to plan. Other times, he drove away those people and rendered himself alone.

And then followed the emotions. So mercurial in nature.

And Harrison Wells hated unpredictability. While anticipating the future was an immediate reflex, he focused hard on what was before him: a tangible device, a screwdriver between his fingers. Right now. In the present.

There was something else in the moment: laughter. It was a joyous sound Wells hadn't heard in... in a while. Coincidentally, he had just the right angle to see into the breach room where the two laughing were in plain sight: Joe and Iris displaying positive spirits. Their voices merged as they sang a little phrase of a song, each relaxing into the sound. If they were scared, they both did a fine job at hiding it.

" _I tried, I tried, I tried, I tried every way I could..._

... _to make you see how much I love you._ "

They also seemed to ignore the presence in the other room as they sang and danced away. Why would they remember he was there, anyway? They had all they really needed in the moment; there was smiling and laughing – loving – in the face of death.

That was the annoying part.

Here, Wells stood with a perfect view into the breach room, watching as another father and his daughter acted as if nothing could ever get between them. He tried not to feel anything – no regrets, no _what-if'_ s, not even the slightest bit envy – but that was just as impossible a feat as finding a universal equation that could predict all and anything.

Emotions were messy and mercurial in nature.

Any focus he tried to direct to the device in front of him was lost in the transition. His eyes would dart up, stealing glances between every other twist of the screwdriver. His mind did later wander, cooking up what-ifs and previous situations, regrets he never seemed to escape from. His own daughter was a dimension away. She had her own work to do, and the only people she'd talk to would be the ones of that Earth. The only dance she would be doing was with criminals, thieves, and bad metahumans of Earth Three. And the only smile that would be on her face would be one of triumph. A little beam of moonlight a whole dimension away…

" _I hope you understood._ "

Harry dipped his head back to his own work. The stray thoughts subsided with the oncoming quiet that fell over the space. Everything reverted to peace. Like the eye of a hurricane, the storm didn't look so bad from here…


End file.
